Суббота 6 Сен 2008, 15:19
Journals are WMBFs. Weapons of massive boredom fighting!
In a silly attempt to combine music and relevant nationwide issues, like say politics, here’s a list of artists that would rule their home states, if the fate of their local politics came down to my music library!
Ordered alphabetically by state name. Only continental US states, no associated states or far out places.
ALABAMA (AL)
Remy Zero
Our government will be run from:
Birmingham
Main campaign promise:
Music will be the most important signature in our education systems. So everyone can have their 15 minutes of fame and receive endless royalties from syndicated tv shows.
New State Anthem: Save me
ARIZONA (AZ)
Jimmy Eat World
Our government will be run from:
Mesa
Main campaign promise:
Jimmies and Marys will rule the world. No life will be wasted, everyone will be worthy of remembrance.
New State Anthem: A Praise Chorus
ARKANSAS (AR)
Johnny Cash
Our government will be run from:
Kingsland
Main campaign promise:
Black will be everywhere, even in our state flag. No other color will be allowed for clothing.
New State Anthem: The Man Comes Around
CALIFORNIA (CA)
Xiu Xiu
Our government will be run from:
San Jose
Main campaign promise:
Family therapy and support groups for y’all!
New State Anthem: I luv the valley OH
COLORADO (CO)
DeVotchKa
Our government will be run from:
Denver
Main campaign promise:
Increase job opportunities for better quality of life. Less restrictions and tax breaks for corporations and manufacturing companies that would like to bring their operations to our state, especially if they are russian.
New State Anthem: Basso Profundo
CONNECTICUT (CT)
Moby
Our government will be run from:
Darien
Main campaign promise:
Quality soundboards for the fraction of retail price!
Our schools will be the first ones in the nation to include dedicated classes of Pro Tools and Garage Bands for the kiddies.
New State Anthem: One Of These Mornings
DELAWARE (DE)
The Spinto Band
Our government will be run from:
Wilmington
Main campaign promise:
State sponsored musical formation for all interested. So one day we may produce better artists… and attract more tourist.
New State Anthem: Oh Mandy
DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA (DC)
The Walkmen
Our government will be run from:
Washington, D.C. (duh)
Main campaign promise:
Constitutional changes to make our district an actual state.
We will also import fog and/or buy massive amounts of fake fog to make our new state way more melancholic.
New State Anthem: The Rat
FLORIDA (FL)
Discover America
Our government will be run from:
Pensacola
Main campaign promise:
By state law, all residents must have a moniker. No more traditional First Name, Second Name - that doesn’t rhyme at all with first name, and patriarchal Last Name.
New State Anthem: Phantom Treasure
GEORGIA (GA)
of Montreal
Our government will be run from:
Athens
Main campaign promise:
Everything will work backwards. If we are happy we will write slow, sleep inducing, songs. Otherwise everything is upbeat and bright. Fancy Broadway inspired makeup, high maintenance hairdos and mismatching colors in clothes will be the norm.
New State Anthem: Suffer for Fashion
IDAHO (ID)
Built to spill
Our government will be run from:
Boise
Main campaign promise:
Dadaism and Surrealism will reign supreme as our new state graphic identity.
New State Anthem: Goin’ Against Your Mind
ILLINOIS (IL)
Andrew Bird
Our government will be run from:
Chicago
Main campaign promise:
Extra lungs will be pre-installed in every newborn baby, so they can do strong whistles, and turn the pages of their violin scores with their breath!
New State Anthem: A Nervous Tic Motion of the Head to the Left
INDIANA (IN)
Margot & the Nuclear So and So's
Our government will be run from:
Indianapolis
Main campaign promise:
Groups and association of less than eight members will be banned, even in social situations. No more single dating and talking to the same two people you already knew in the corner of a bar.
We will also name a street in every town after David Letterman.
New State Anthem: Skeleton Key
IOWA (IA)
Slipknot
Our government will be run from:
Des Moines
Main campaign promise:
Any individual that is seen on the street showing the skin on their face will be ripped apart, de-gutted, drenched in acid, urinated upon by every town resident, and then exhibited in the town plaza.
Aside from that, everyone can do as they please.
New State Anthem: My Plague
KANSAS (KS)
Mates of the State
Our government will be run from:
Lawrence
Main campaign promise:
Family unity will be encouraged by making every married couple start a conjoined project, so they can spend loads of time together.
New State Anthem: My Only Offer
KENTUCKY (KY)
My Morning Jacket
Our government will be run from:
Louisville
Main campaign promise:
Permanent ban on razors and hair scissors.
New State Anthem: Off the Record
LOUISIANA (LA)
Better Than Ezra
Our government will be run from:
New Orleans
Main campaign promise:
Bring back the 90s! revival activities… every day of the week!
New State Anthem: Good
MAINE (ME)
Joan as police woman
Our government will be run from:
Biddeford
Main campaign promise:
Straight down pop music will be banned. Everything must contain some classical element, even ad jingles, otherwise they won’t be allowed to be broadcasted.
New State Anthem: Real Life
MARYLAND (MD)
Animal Collective
Our government will be run from:
Baltimore (with a special consulate in Portugal)
Main campaign promise:
More funding for statewide Pet Zoos.
New State Anthem: Peacebone
MASSACHUSETTS (MA)
Caspian
Our government will be run from:
Beverly
Main campaign promise:
Words are overrated. State funding towards programs that build better communication skills.
New State Anthem: Crawlspace
MICHIGAN (MI)
Sufjan Stevens
Our government will be run from:
Petoskey
Main campaign promise:
A special holiday will be instated celebrating wings.
Pass new laws legislations to crack down on bullies, until no kid (or grown man) feels threaten to go out wearing their favorite set of butterfly wings.
New State Anthem: Come on! Feel the Illinoise!
MINNESOTA (MN)
The Hold Steady
Our government will be run from:
Minneapolis
Main campaign promise:
We will no longer need books in schools, as we will pass down our local culture through our songs.
Full mustaches will also be declared hip by law.
New State Anthem: Stuck Between Stations
MISSOURI (MO)
White Rabbits
Our government will be run from:
Columbia
Main campaign promise:
Cute rabbits and drum kits for every one!
New State Anthem: Kid On My Shoulders
NEBRASKA (NE)
Elliott Smith
Our government will be run from:
Omaha
Main campaign promise:
Increased state funding on self-help lines and anti-depression groups in every neighborhood.
New State Anthem: Needle in the Hay
NEVADA (NV)
The Killers
Our government will be run from:
Las Vegas
Main campaign promise:
An atmospheric shield will be built on top of our city, to block out the sun and make it night 24/7.
New State Anthem: Jenny Was a Friend of Mine
NEW HAMPSHIRE (NH)
Okkervil River
Our government will be run from:
Meriden
Main campaign promise:
We will bring more country music to the East, breaking geographical stereotypes.
New State Anthem: No Key, No Plan
NEW JERSEY (NJ)
LCD Soundsystems
Our government will be run from:
Princeton Junction
Main campaign promise:
All laws considered anti-party will be tore down. State funding will be available to support any type of backyard/basement/anywhere parties, with special tax breaks for parties that go on for more than one night.
Perennial US visas will be issue to all french Djs.
New State Anthem: Us v Them
NEW MEXICO (NM)
Beirut
Our government will be run from:
Santa Fe
Main campaign promise:
Cultural programs will aim at making our state look a lot more european. Any instrument that requires an amplifier or electrical aid will be ban, in favor of wind and other types of contact instruments.
New State Anthem: Nantes
NEW YORK (NY)
The Velvet Underground
Our government will be run from:
New York City
Main campaign promise:
Everyone will have the right to rub shoulders with famous pop art icons, or best suitable alternative.
New State Anthem: Heroin
NORTH CAROLINA (NC)
Annuals
Our government will be run from:
Raleigh
Main campaign promise:
State funds for all high school bands!
New State Anthem: Complete or Completing
OHIO (OH)
The National
Our government will be run from:
Cincinnati
Main campaign promise:
High pitch singers (and wannabes) will be outcasted, due to their boring predictability. No more American Idol auditions will be held in our state.
New State Anthem: Mistaken for Strangers
OKLAHOMA (OK)
St. Vincent
Our government will be run from:
Tulsa
Main campaign promise:
I may side-project as a hairdresser in some other state, but my heart and mind will always be committed to Oklahoma’s best interest.
New State Anthem: Paris is Burning
OREGON (OR)
Menomena
Our government will be run from:
Portland
Main campaign promise:
It will be required by law that every person plays at least 4 instruments and do on-key singing. Professional recording studios will be denied permits, as music comes out better when it’s made in your own living room.
New State Anthem: Wet and Rusting
PENNSYLVANIA (PA)
A Sunny Day in Glasgow
Our government will be run from:
Philadelphia
Main campaign promise:
Recognizable lyrics are overrated. We will supply everyone statewide with voice modulators.
New State Anthem: Our Change into Rain is No Change at All (Talkin' 'bout Us)
RHODE ISLAND (RI)
Black Dice
Our government will be run from:
Providence
Main campaign promise:
Actual melodies are passé. There will be none of that under our regime.
New State Anthem: Kokomo
SOUTH CAROLINA (SC)
Iron & Wine
Our government will be run from:
Anywhere within state limits
Main campaign promise:
Long beards will be a required standard among men. If you can’t grow one, free hormones will be supplied.
New State Anthem: Innocent Bones
TENNESSEE (TN)
Forget Cassettes
Our government will be run from:
Nashville
Main campaign promise:
80% increase on salaries for all women, no matter their field of work.
New State Anthem: Venison
TEXAS (TX)
Voxtrot
Our government will be run from:
Austin
Main campaign promise:
Only EPs will be made, seeing that LPs don’t do so well.
New State Anthem: Mothers, Sisters, Daughters & Wives
UTAH (UT)
i hear sirens
Our government will be run from:
Salt Lake City
Main campaign promise:
All towns and streets will be renamed for titles that contain at least 5 words.
New State Anthem: This Is The Last Time I'll Say Goodbye
VIRGINIA (VA)
Sparklehorse
Our government will be run from:
Richmond
Main campaign promise:
State funding to support long-term projects, that may or may not require 5 years to make.
New State Anthem: Don't Take My Sunshine Away
WASHINGTON (WA)
Band of Horses
Our government will be run from:
Seattle
Main campaign promise:
Statewide ban on all recording devices, cellphone cameras and else. All use of typeface that are not serif and romantic will be banned as well.
New State Anthem: Is There a Ghost
WEST VIRGINIA (WV)
Daniel Johnston
Our government will be run from:
Chester
Main campaign promise:
Anyone suspected of devil worshipping will be burned at the stake! May the lord be with you.
New State Anthem: Some Things Last a Long Time
WISCONSIN (WI)
Bon Iver
Our government will be run from:
Eau Claire
Main campaign promise:
Rezoning and reconstruction of our state to enhance quality of living. All houses will be separated from each other by a minimum 200 miles radius.
We will also declare the members of Xiu Xiu honorary state residents and provide them with keys to our cities.
New State Anthem: Skinny Love
The following states have been sucked out by a vortex and sent packing into a black hole…
MISSISSIPPI (MS)
MONTANA (MT)
NORTH DAKOTA (ND)
SOUTH DAKOTA (SD)
VERMONT (VT)
WYOMING (WY)
Seriously, not even the “Music from -insert state name-” Wikipedia articles shed one single recognizable name. Get working people of those states!
If you are wondering where I got the title for this journal, it’s the name of an extremely silly and funny song by Liam Lynch - United States of Whatever